By Isley Nicole
I read a blog today that made me ponder on the loyalty that black women have to black men. It was written as a "joke" but it hit a few nerves by it's offensiveness. It was about the old "Willie Lynch" syndrome, colorism. It also talked about how better white women and others were than black women. As I scrolled down a hundred comments of all these black men, I realized black women have to make some adjustments, and quick. They're our everything, but we are just an option.
It's already an epidemic that 70% of African American women are single. Why is that you say? Because of supply and demand. The black man is in demand because he is open to interracial dating. He'll date and experiment with every color of the rainbow. Then you split up what's left after you count the gays/DL brothers, thugs/incarcerated brothers. There's only a few good ones left and most of them are already taken. The supply is real low.
Single black women are being strung along, played and disrespected because black men know these statistics and prey on it. Black women take a lot of foolishness because they know how hard it is to find a man. But is he a good man? Some may even put up with abusers and cheaters because they look at all their single friends and think to themselves, "At least I have a man". The rest are waiting in vain for that perfect black man to come and sweep them off their feet. I say the hell with waiting. Start dating outside of your race too.
Look at Halle Berry. She gave brothers a whole bunch of chances. Stacey Dash did too. How much do y'all want to bet me that Rihanna will be crossing over real soon. As slim as the pickings are in the normal world, they're even slimmer in celebrity world. Naomi Campbell, Thandie Newton, Diane Carroll, Paula Patton, Iman, Melody Hobson, Kelly Rowland, Donna Summer, Diana Ross, Kerry Washington, Eve, Garcelle Beavais, Beverly Johnson, Kim Wayans, Tracy Bingham, Alfre Woolard, Tracy Edmonds, Venus Williams, Lena Horne, Tina Turner, Sharon Leal, Lisa Bonet, Lynn Whitfield, Debra Wilson, and Whoopi Goldberg to name a few are all with white men now. I'm sure they gave the brothers a chance but were open minded enough to try "something new" when things didn't work out. I have way too many beautiful single girlfriends and I am so exhausted with hearing all these sob stories.
If I was single I'd try a different scene because "other" men give me an equal amount of attention as black men. Especially white men. They think I am exquisite. Which I am. But I have yet to try them out. I never really was attracted to them but I have met some nice ones as of lately... My lover is black and he adores me as well but if he mess up.... ha!
So ladies, I'm not saying stop dating black men altogether, just stop being so loyal to these guys. Watch YOUR demand go up once they see sisters are no longer waiting for them to make a decision. Date like they do and you might find your soul mate quicker than you'd imagine.
To the brothers... I love y'all so don't take this the wrong way. Just calling it like I see it.
10 comments:
I think the problem is much, much deeper and we're pretty much looking at the surface of the issue. I think the larger issue is in the way we communicate and the expectations we have of each other. Often times I see black couples in turmoil b/c they are not meeting each others' expectations and by the same token, they don't discuss those expectations...they assume that being "black" the other person should just know.
I think that "being black" is not so much this "common identity" as it used to be. I think we're diverse enough now that just being black isn't enough and we should take more time to really get to know one another rather than assume that there's a common understanding.
And just to touch on all the celebs that "left black men", they might just be the "new black athlete" and think life's better on "the other side"....who knows? It could be they think they're too good for a black man...we don't know them personally, just what we read/see in the news.
Just a thought..
I don't think that they think they're too good for black men. Each and every one of those ladies have given black men a try. Some have been abused, played, disrespected, just overall horrible treatment and are fed up. You don't have to know them personally because a lot of them have had their relationships play out terribly in public. I'm not saying the white man is the answer. Just anything different is worth trying out. Maybe they are on to something?
Isley, I also agree that this is an issue that can't fully be covered in a blog or on FB, but it is something that should be addressed.
I still think there are somethings we don't know about their relationships and their pasts that might have swayed them OR caused them to choose the WRONG men in the past. I have often heard and seen of people that "marry their parents" in a subconscious effort to resolve some issue from their childhood. Like how many times have you seen/heard of someone that THINKS they can convert a thug into a gentleman? Or think they should be with a roughneck and expect him to be classy??
I, This issue does have so many levels, it's impossible to cover in a comment to a blog. I was never raised with the school of thought “Love who you want but you will marry a black man,” a part of what... Read More’s holding some of our women back is being raised with that mentality. The (black/white/other) parents/people placing these set of rules on each other come from a time when a nation’s awareness hadn't become as evolved. (I understand the historical matter but we can’t continue to hold resentment towards white people for their ancestors mistakes. I’m not saying forget what happened but we don’t need to have our kids walking around carrying the burdens of the past. Particularly, If we want to be liberated from those degrading stereotypes,) It's time to release those mental chains that digress us and create our own modus operandi. We need to shift our consciousness as a whole and not be so caught up in who’s dating/marrying who. No one need fear for lack because there is enough
(black/white/other) love and abundance for everyone. What other hurdles or brick walls do we need or better yet to create for ourselves? Don’t get me wrong, we still have a long way to go? Change occurs in direct proportion to dissatisfaction, but dissatisfaction never changes.
Paula Patton met Robin Thicke when she was 15 years old. Maybe she just fell in love with him. Just a thought. After all, she did say he was her first and only love. When you meet someone that young, race is not that important. Racial hangups are adult themes not kids. I don't know about the others but I happen to believe black women are not obsessed with black men. We want men to love us and if he happens to be another race so be it. Love knows no color and the sooner we realize that the better off we will all be.
Tia I agree with you! I was raised that way but it was sort of unspoken. (on dating and marrying black) Yes we should let go of the past. Without change there is no growth. Thanks for commenting and following :)
To the anon. I agree with you on Paula. The younger generation is getting better with race relations. We have a black president so that is obvious. But I would have to disagree on how black women feel about black men. Most wont ever consider dating outside their race. You and Tia are rare. But yes ladies, lets just find the perfect mate, not color.
I think this conversation further proves "They got us right were they want us."
When the conversation starts off with the notion of dating outside of your raise to cause jealousy or regret it proves the point.
When we confuse the moves of celebrities as a justifier in what the moves of the masses should be it proves the point.
When you start thinking, even for a second, that our kids should not have awareness and/or carry the burden of the Black Holocaust it proves the point.
They have finally leveraged the last piece of the puzzle to keep us (Black Men) upright, the confusion of our sisters to premeditatively date outside of our race.
What a scary thought
"They got us right where they want us?" please elaborate.
White people helped to elect a black man as president. We couldn’t have done it alone. There are no excuses left for anyone for why we can’t do something.
As for celebrities dating outside of their race, it only proves that their experiences have broadened and have come to the realization that the rest of the world doesn’t follow the same set of rules when dating.
What’s been leveraged is black women premeditatively going out and being open to finding and receiving love from anyone she chooses.
As for our children, it’s imperative that our kids are educated/aware. Saying that our children should carry the burden of the black holocaust only proves you don’t know what you’re talking about.
Not all white people’s ancestors where slave owners or black oppressors, the fact is life today is a game of individuality, morals, beliefs, values and ethics. We need to live and let live, love who you want, let others love who they want and not judge their love or motivation for finding love based on the color of their skin.
Preach Tia!!!!
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